I Will Be Here

I found the most beautiful song which I heard from long time ago and stumbled upon yesterday thanks to my elder sister. It is such a meaningful song and the words are just touching. Thought I'd share it.

I Will Be Here

by Steven Curtis Chapman

Tomorrow morning if you wake up 

and the sun does not appear
I will be here

If in the dark, we lose sight of love
Hold my hand, and have no fear
'Cause I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin'
Through the winning, losing and trying
We'll be together
I will be here

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the future is unclear
I will be here
Just as sure as seasons were made for change
Our lifetimes were made for these years
So I will be here

I will be here
And you can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we're older
I will hold you
And I will be here
To watch you grow in beauty
And tell you all the things you are to me
I will be here

I will be true to the promise I have made
To you and to the One who gave you to me

Tomorrow morning, if you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here
Oh, I will be here

The Story

The wounds have healed so it's time to put the story to rest :) I'm a happy person and I've decided I need not remember such silly things anymore...

Thank you God for the healing I've received. Amen.

Drama with the Girls

The girls came down yesterday to PD for fun andf it was fun indeed. It is NEVER a HotteBabe day out if there is no drama involved...haha..So, firstly they reached the house and we were all jumping around coz we were so excited to see each other...Lols..

Then, we left to buy dinner from KFC in Lukut. Realized that there was a police check just after the traffic lights near my place...Since there were 6 of us in the car, Cyber had to do a lil disappearing act at the back by ducking down and the girls had to cover her with a shawl...It was hillarious because we thought that the police officers were just going to check the road tax but instead they were flashing their lights inside the car..We freaked out for a moment so we all sat still just to act natural and the guy flashed his light inside the car but did not notice Cyber sitting on the floor which was hillarious...The moment we passed the checkpoint, we all burst out laughing..

Then there was the incident at KFC. Once we reached Lukut, Mafia, Cyber, Ray and I went to buy the food while Mini and Possum were trying to fix the radio of the car...We had to unscrew the car battery and then screw it back but the alarm kept going off which scared the crap out of us because it was sooo freaking loud since the hood was open..Of course Cyber has evidence of the incident -.-" Anyways, Possum managed to fix it...Oh before that...there was a problem with finding the TOOL BOX...hahaha...more like tool PLASTIC as Mini calls it..hehe..anyways, the radio was fixed and we drove along to go to the beach.

Possum kept talking about some HUT place which we could not for the life of us find...So, we decided to forget about the hut and just go to the open beach. Then as we were reaching the beach, we realized we didn't have any drinks...So, ended up at Petronas, buying to large bottles of Coke and went to the beach. Parking of course was another fiasco but we managed to park.

Got down from the car, it was nice and windy...We laid down the "spreadsheet" which they "borrowed" from church (hahaha...) and we all sat down. The moment we sat down...guess what happenedd...yes, you guessed it right...it started RAINING! -.-" Two seconds into the picnic and we got up ran like mad cows with the "sheet", the mat, the food and the drinks...I believe the people who were there who saw us must have laughed their arse off looking at our situation. So we got back in the car and Possum started with the whole HUT story AGAIN...

Long story short, we ended up going back to my place to eat out dinner...Poor Ray was hungry as hell but she managed to survive til the journey home. That's not the end of it...The ride home was scary coz it was thunder and lightning like nobody's business....The whole way everybody was just praying like crazy and it was pouring rain..It was just such a stark contrast from the beginning our our little escapade..

But we safely reached home and had a blast at dinner coz we had a lil cake to celebrate Possum's bday..  : ) took pictures of course and laughed and laughed as usual...Oh we had a little performance called "Flight Attendant" by Ray, Mafia and Possum...It was hillarious!! Hehehe..

It was such an awesome "dramatic" night with the girls..I can't wait for our Penang trip. There's definitely gonna be more drama there and even more laughter!

On a not so happy note, I totally left my wallet in Mini's car and I'll be wallet-less for the next 5 DAYS!! Aarrgh...stupid me!

Forgotten One

They remember you

They remember your special days

They try to please you just because

They rush to your side when you're in despair

They console you when you shed your tears

They bring you joy unexpectedly

They shower you with love unconditionally

And there she is

By the side lines

Cheering you on and celebrating your moments

She's one in the crowd and she is happy for you

But she is forgotten

No stories for her to tell

No moments for her to share

What was once hers is now yours

She smiles at you

But her heart breaks inside

You forgot her

They ignored her

We pushed her away

But she still smiles

All her joy seems to have disappeared

The people she loved most, love you more now

She wonders if she loved too much

Her eyes glisten as she looks at you

You, who caused her the pain

Who took everything she had

Who is loved more

Who she can't help but love til the end

She holds back her tears
She numbs her emotions

She remembers she is forgotten

Yet she still smiles...

My Schizophrenic Friends

Facebook is a dangerous portal I tell you. You see so many sides of people that it makes it hard to identify who's who or if one person is replying the same thread especially if 7 people are administrators for a group page...

Yes, The Hotte Family is officially schizophernic..One of us started by posting a shoutout on Facebook expressing the excitement of our Penang trip..Of course the comments started flooding in but all 7 of us being admin, our name doesn't appear as we post a comment..It appears as Hotte Family...Hence, the whole 'identity theft' adventure began....Everyone started pretending to be everyone else and I no one knows who is who anymore...On Facebook that is...we are just trying to decipher the messaging style and figue out who's who...

So, far we have come to certain conclusions
Paulo - the most grammatical errors
Cyber - some grammatical error with over excitement
Mini - Ms. big words, grammar corrector, over-the-top expressions
Poss - Constantly bashing Paul, "Mangga Chutney"
Puchi - Karat kampung Malay
Mervin - subtle hints
Mafia - Blames Poss for everything...

Hahaha...Well,those are merely observations which could turn out to be dead wrong.

So now in the midst of uncovering imposters and discovering who's who, we are also trying to post 500 comments before we leave to Penang...A feat that seemed impossible to me but now I think we might just get there....The record right now is 277...pretty far from the 500 but we still have a few days left to complete the mission...Lols..

Facebooking woes...

Gosh....How can one person make you feel so loved and make you feel like a loser all at the same time..???

I feel like the biggest most ABSOLUTE idiot in the entire world...I guess its just karma bitting me in me arse for what I did to M...But I don't deserve to be treated like that coz I never encouraged M to text me and such...But You...you call me as often as you can and you keep me hanging...

You seem like a stranger to me on FB...You keep in touch with her more than you do me...wait a second...OH MY GOD...I feel Like Kenny from South Park who got sucked into FACEBOOK...What the heck am I thinking...

Ok, I think I've been overdosing on Facebook that I'm reading into things a liiiittlleeee bit tooooooo much......Gosh, what's happenning to me..I need Facebook detox!

Oh btw, telling me "a hot x-girlfriend is like a plus point on the resume" is sooooo NOT a compliment...well...maybe for you but not for me...or is it now...Aaarrghh! I'm so confused! I need help...

Letter to My Haunting Past

Why won't you leave me alone...??? Please let go and let me live my life...I know 5 years is a long time and it's not easy to forget seeing as we were both each others first love, but MOVE ON!!!

You keep tormenting me each day with your messages and your attempts to try and mend a friendship just drifts us further apart! I don't want your friendship...I don't NEED your friendship... I just want to live my life as how I am living it right now...

I already have a current ex..I don't need to be in a twisted state where I'm dealing with two exes at the same time...He and I are fine...We are still friends because we still have feelings for each other...But you and I are long gone...There is no more we or us..That boat sailed away 2 years ago and I've no regrets for the decision I made...You think it was hard for you?? It was even harder for me to let go knowing that I spend spent just as much time as you did in a relationship which was doomed for disaster!

What's even twister twisted is that you ARE currently in a relationship and YET you still try rekindle something which is not there anymore...AND you want me to help you with your WEDDING PLANSfor next year?? Have you completely lost your mind??? You wanna get married to your girlfriend BUT you can't talk to HER about it?? Do you think I'm some kind of imbecile???

Leave me alone!

I wave my hand and say "Whatever"

so I went to chrurch today and found out the the old "senior citizens" in our parish have a problem with the solos that have been sung by choir members. These people have zero talent, zero inclination to music and YET have 101 comments about the choir...

I don't get them at all...bunch of old hags who can't stand seeing people actually use their talents to praise God rather than squandering it away at night pubs serenading a bunch of drunken morons who won't remember you existed the next day.

So, I went for breakfast today with "my future in-laws and husband-to-be" and my dear match maker...hahahaha...and we were talking about how we should not bother about all these jealous shmucks who have nothing better to do than pick on people who serve God whole-heartedly...I mean come on...what could they possibly do if we were to continue with the choir singing solos at certain times..?? Throw us out of church?? HIGHLY IMPOSSIBLE! Ask us to step down from being part of the choir?? By all means, please do try find other people who have the commitment to take on the repsonsibiily...

So, I'm giving them 'the hand'...not the finger...and I say "Whatever"....the church choir WILL CONTINUE DOING WHAT IT DOES BEST WITH SOLOS AND THE WHOLE CHOIR...

PS: If you happened to be one of those peopl who complained, are you ARE reading this post, next time say it to my face....Don't use other people's names especially that of the priest and don't be a chicken shit...If you do have comments why do you have to ask other people to convey the message??? Only goes to show that ur scared shitless to say it to our faces...

So, save your comments and if you think you can do a better job, DO IT!

Don't mess...

Just thought I'd mention this little incident...

Yesterday Ween, Irene and I were studying and listening to The Beatles. Weenie was tired so she was cathing some zzz but then as we were listening to a particular song, Irene happened to mention that she preferred the "Across The Universe" version of the song...I agreed and I was like "Yeah, it sounded better on the movie..The Beatles suck!" I said JOKINGLY just to see Ween's reaction...Just as sure as thunder comes after lightning, she immediately got up and said "Suck your t**s la!"

Hahahahaha....I swear I still am laughing...It's just so unbelievably funny...The Chinese in her just came out like a gay dude out of a closet when she said that line...hahaha...

Just had to mention...So, future reference - Don't mess with Ween and The Beatles.. ;)

Hasta La Vista!

Today was the last day for exams...It didn't really feel like exam week to be honest but I can't be more happy that the semester is finally OVER...ClOSED...FINITO....

Now, to look forward to happier tidings...Oh joy...:) Before glad tidings come,I think its time for a change..So some things might go shoter while others stay longer but then again, it's gonna be different. ;)

Apart from that, everything else remains the same. Am back to work and am hungry right now...1pm - please come sooooooooon!!

That's all for now...

PENAAAANGGG!!!! Get ready coz here I come!!!!

A Day to Remember

Dear Daddy,

I woke up today with the sun shining through my room. I slowly openend my eyes.

"What day is it" I thought.

"It's the 15th", I remembered.

"Happy Birthday, daddy", I whispered with a smile on my face.

It's been 3 years since you passed away. I remember sitting at the back of the van as a child while you serenanded us with Engelbert Humperdink songs as you drove along. Our long journeys to almost anywhere was filled with songs and laughter. I remember singing along as a child and although I didn't know most of the words, I bluffed my way through the verses while remembering the tune and chorus of each song.

I never got bored of the songs. It was not the fact that the song had a catchy tune or because it was an Englebert Humperdink song..it was more of the fact that you, daddy, sang the song.

It always meant something deeper than it was and it means even more now.

You would've been 60 today and you would've looked better than you did at 59... :)

I hope you know that mummy and your three girls still love you to this day. It makes me mad that THEY still try and piss us off even after you're gone and they still give us reasons to hate them more although we want nothing more than to just live our lives and not remember that they were once family.

Why are they so mean, daddy? How could you have come from that family? I am sure that once upon a time, all of your siblings were the same and I would like to believe that they are STILL the same people I remember them to be as a child. But too much has happened daddy even when you went away.

But today is not about them. It's about you. So, cheers to you daddy for leaving wonderful memories behind, for having loved me, cared for me and most of all for singing to me coz I know I'll remember every Blue Spanish Eyes, every Three Little Words and every Dancing to the Radio when I need you in my life...

Love,
Claudine.

1 more and Goodbye

So my exams are coming to a closure, the semester is coming to an end and I'm closing off this chapter of my life...I feel so elated...Like I could fly...Goodbye Jan sem 2010....I hope and pray that May sem 2010 will be a MUCH better one. Friday will be my last paper and then its party mode. Penang HERE WE COME!!

On a more subdued note, I think I toally embarrassed myself in front this real cutie..won't go into details seeing as its rather embarrassing...but in any case, I don't I could ever look at him the same again...Hopefully he didn't realize the blunder and I hope that I'm just over-reacting to the whole situation...I hope the next time I see him I won't have anymore blunders readily prepared... X( Twice I've met him and on both occassions I've made a clown of myself...WHY WHY WHY??? Not that I really care...but I do...and don't at the same time...not that I'm in love with him or anything...He's just really nice to see and il est grand, il est beau...il a le sourire le plus beauu...sigh...lols...

Anyways, back to reality...oops there goes gravity...haha..I'm still having the flu and I hope I'm not a walking disease coz I'd hate to think that my friends are falling sick because I've been sharing the love....hehehe...

Anyhoozer, That's all for now...

Ciao!

Cheers to the HotteFam

Today is Possum's birthday so I thought I'd send her a shoutout...She and I have been friends from UCSI and I'm glad I've someone like her as a friend...we may have had our share of ups and downs but there's no faking when it comes to our friendship..

It just got me thinking....I've never had a best friend from my growing years because I moved around alot and kept changing friend circles as and when I moved...plus there was this one incident..

M and I were best friends in kindergarden..she was a really nice girl and I remember her well coz we used to hang out together everyday at the kindergarden..Plus we went to the same church so we saw each other on Sundays as well..we moved on to primary school and we were still friends..but then in Standard 2, I shifted to a different school coz dad worked in Rantau...I remember once when I was at Sunday school, I was sitting at the back of the class because I didn't know many of the kids in class since I shifted...but I saw M and I was happy to see a familiar face...some of the other girls recognized me (coz dad was always active in church choir and I was always front and centre with mum and my sisters) and they kinda knew that M and I were friends...but when they asked M if she and I were friends, she said loud and clear "NO..She was never my friend."

True story. Believe me, that's not something I concocted in my head...I don't remember every sordid detail of that day but I remember what she said. So from that day, best friends did not mean much to me and it did not seem all that important until I grew up and heard stories of friends who have been best friends since kindergarden...I felt like I missed out on something special..

It's kind of a special feeling to know someone from a very young age and grow up with them and have all these little funny stories to tell about each other...I wish I had that but I guess it was never meant for me..

But in any case, I'm still glad I made real good friends in UCSI whom I still keep in touch with and although we don't see each other as often as we hoped but it is still nice to know that we have that closeness...I'm glad that even through the roughest patches we faced back in UCSI, we still rose above it all and are still friends...I thank God everyday for blessin me with Poss, Miniroo and Mafia AND of course DJVJ and Paulo...I don't know what category of friends they fall into...and frankly I don't care coz all I know is that they're FAMILY...

Well, whadya know..I lost one best friend but I gained 5 whacky family members...And now we call ourselves the HotteFam and although it seems ridiculous to some but I think it's the best thing that's ever happened to me... :)

I knew it!

I knew there was a reason why I never did close my "other" account...lols...I stumbled upon my long lost blog from 1865 it seems...ok ok....im totally drama queening right now...but it was like in 2005 and I donno why I stopped writing....wait...I know...Facebook happened...

Anyways, here's a post from way back then when I first starter started blogging...Reminds me of who I was way back then...I miss me...

Its A Wondeful Life!!! With Flaws..

Whoever said life was easy…bunch of ups and down….you hit the road and you end up in a puddle of mud…sigh…on the other hand there are times in life where you get the best of everything…somehow people tend to outweigh the bad for the good…

Yes, yes life always has a turning point where you feel like the whole world is against you and you’ve lost it completely….but then again, isn’t life about holding on to those things you already have and living in the moment…I’m not saying go crazy, end up in a rut or anything of that sort but I think the good moments and the wonderful memories in life; be it with friends, family or that special someone should have superiority over the bad "shitake mushrooms" that happens…

Life has never been more difficult…juggling life, family, friends, college, and whole lot of other issues…Yet no one said life was easy…Sometimes one just needs to lighten up and literally "wake up and smell the roses"…Life is too short to not see the beautiful things in your own world…

"The happiest person doesn’t always have the best things in life. They strive always to make the best out of everything they have in their life."

Gosh….I never knew I could be so philosophical…ceh….well, living life means speaking your mind…Just thought I’d share a moment or two…what are blogs for if you cant get creative…hehehe…
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This entry was posted on Saturday, July 2nd, 2005 at 9:20 pm and is filed under Tabby in Depth.... You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

Always the Tradition

So i just got back my internal coursework marks and lets say I wont be passing with flying colors this semester..I guess its always the case with me...Sem 3 is the honeymooner sem...well, I'm just glad this semester is over and all I can do at this point is work my butt off for a B...I can't afford to get any lower than that...

So what have a learnt from this semester?
- I know who my REAL friends are
- I know that my classmates are too competitive for their own good
- I learnt that submitting assignments 'in-the-nick-of-time' can give me a heart attack
- staying up the whole night only gets me sick in the end
- PEOPLE CHANGE..well, this one I've known for a while but it's worth mentioning

So what do I do?
- Stay close to those I care for and vice versa
- Stop competiting with others (A wise owl told me - Stop competing with my friends and start competing myself - you know who you are... ;) )
- Start submitting my assignment on time - or more like START my assignments earlier on
- Sleep well, drink more water
- Don't change (well, don't change the good habits that is..)

Oh and I've learnt very valuable lessons
1. Take the good with the bad but beat the crap outta the ugly..
2. People will always try and bring you down and look bad in front of your lecturers, friends and acquaintances but the point is to not give up and strive to do the best in you abilities..
3. Some may say that your talents are crappy...All you gotta say to them is "Lily Allen" and walk away forgetting whatever they say and just working on being the you can be..

So that's all for now...Ciao!

I'll get there

Seems to me like I've been slacking off quite a great deal and I've no one to blame but myself. I've got one more shot to do right and I shouldn't waste that opportunity that dribbles my way...

In a blink this whole semester will end and I can't wish enough for it to come sooner. I want to put whatever has happened this semester in the past and move on from there. It's time to get my act together and walk a straight line..well, almost straight (no, there is no sexual connotation to this statement in case you were wondering -.-)

I hope my dreams and aspirations will still be clear and visible til the end because the last thing I need is to loose my reason and purpose for going on this journey. I've lost some and gained some on my journey and I hope that everything will unravel perfectly in the end.

If God can move mountains, He can do anything so I don't have to worry about the future but rather start believing that the future holds so much more than I see right now..Mommy said "God has His way of doing things.So, submit to His way and let God do His work through me"

Even in my most distressed state, I know He is working a miracle in my life and He is just waiting for me to look up so He can show me that miracle. :)

In other words, Have Faith coz that's the only way to survive in this place.

Letters to You

Dear You,

Maybe I don't need you as much I did
Maybe I don't want you the way I used to
Maybe my life is better off without you
Maybe the separation is for my own good
Maybe you leaving was the best thing that's happened
Maybe it was necessary to let go
Maybe I can be me without you

But...

What if I really do need you more than I did then
What if I do want you more than I ever did
What if my life became worse off without you
What if the separation was for YOUR good and not mine
What if leaving was a terrible mistake
What if my heart is right and mind is wrong
What if you were the one that made things right

What if you were my fairytale?
Did I just loose you to reality?

I may never see you again but that's ok. The occasional calls from you makes it better. But then again, you calling gives me hope. You telling me you miss me makes me want you even more. I want to let go but I don't want to either. I wish so many things but that's all there is..wishes..

I take one step forward then two steps back. I hate the waltz. Let me know when you're ready to tango or if you've found someone new. Til then, I'll be working on my solo routine and dancing with myself.

Love Always,
Me.

In my head....

Things are playing in my head...Things which shouldn't...But my heart and mind both function in different spectrums which makes it hard to tell from right and wrong...In any case, I am sure what I feel is wrong coz I'm pretty sure its not meant to be.. Statements are just statements until ponder over and thought about...then it sparks curiosity and wonderment...All the what-ifs flood the mind and emotions become topsy turvy...Dreams become surreal and captivating...

That face
I saw you
But I don't know who you are
I wish I knew you coz you seemed so wonderful
I still see vague shadows of your face in my head
I remember your smile
The way you held me in your arms
I felt safe and nothing in the world would worry me

But then you were swept away and you left
And my memories faded to black
I see flashes of your face in my mind
I remember it well
I was captivated
I still am
But are you real?
Or are you some concotion of my mind
How cruel it would be if my mind were playing tricks on me

If chance let's me
Then let that chance be
I hope to see you tonight...

Ain't it Funny...

It's interesting how people love to throw crap at you and when the final product comes out to look fabulous, everyone wants a share of the glory...Well, I can't really complain coz I totally saw it coming...So much for team work and helping out...

After all the arguments and crap I got not even a word of thanks...Again, I totally saw that coming as well...I guess I just needed to rant that's all...No point in fussing over it but it just annoys me...