Una Voce Poco Fa

Here's the other song I sang at the concert. So many good memories..Sigh..Well, on the bright side at least they are GOOD memories... :)

Lascia Ch'io Pianga

So this is me singing during a concert a few years back. Not many people I know are fans of opera and classical music but I'm glad my mum and dad pushed me to take classical vocal lessons. Although I have stopped my classes for over two years now, I still occasionally miss those days. I stopped a while after my dad passed away and it was hard dealing with it especially with all the memories of him sitting through my classes and watching me sing.

I sang this song during the 2007 Malaysian Youth Music Festival and I won the vocal category. My mum and dad were with me with my sister and then boyfriend. Dad was so proud of me; he cried tears of joy. He passed away a week after that competition and I felt it pointless to continue with vocal classes because I had lost my number one fan.

My mum still pushes me to go back to my vocal classes and I know it may be a painful process but I might just consider it this time around. Who knows...maybe the pain has eased.

Anyways, here's the song but this was from a music concert...

The Out of Body Experience

So I thought I may as well blog my weird episodes just to be aware of the frequency of the disturbances but hopefully these are just anomalies that occur once in a blue moon.

Before I delve into these things I should note that I haven't had these episodes in a long time. I used to have them when I was much younger and it would only occur in the afternoon. Hence why I do not, or at least try not to sleep in the afternoons.

When I was younger, whenever I slept in the afternoon, I used to feel like someone was choking/suffocating me and I had problems waking up although I was very much aware of my surroundings. There were instances where my mum would try to wake me up and I was fully aware of her waking me up but my whole body was paralyzed. I could see my mother and my surroundings although my eyes were closed. I would try to get my being attached to my body and as I was trying to do that I felt like I couldn't breathe. I would feel like I am waking up but then I'd realize that I am still asleep. I would wake up at the last possible moment just as I feel like I am about to drift off from loss of breath. As I jolted up my heart would race and I would wake up in a panic state.

It happened many times as a child and for a while I had to literally talk to my brain to convince myself that I am still asleep and I needed to wake up. Hence, after some time I decided to train myself to not sleep in the afternoon. I would tire myself out during the day and sleep easy at night. My night sleeping habits were not a problem at all.

So those episodes stopped occurring when i grew up. Occasionally I would take a nap in the afternoon when I am absolutely tired out and nothing would happen. However, today was the first time after a long time where I experienced the same situation. I was in bed and I could see my mother sleeping beside although I was asleep myself. I was getting the same feeling I had from before and I started panicking. I could see my 'being' detached from my physical body and as I tried to get my being back to my body I keep feeling suffocated.

I tried moving my limbs but was completely paralyzed and I remember screaming to my mum to help me and I felt like I was shouting really loud but I then realized it was no point. I kept talking to myself saying "Wake up Wake Up!!" and at the last possible minute where I felt like I was literally going to die! I woke up frantically breathing.

The weird thing is that whenever I take a nap on the couch during the afternoons, I don't experience these things. Today I decided to sleep on the bed and somehow it happens. Part of me wants to experiment and see whether it happens again - sleeping on the couch and then sleeping on the bed. However, the other part says don't be stupid coz I got lucky this time.

I hope this is just a one time episode. If it isn't then I guess I'm just gonna stick to the couch when I feel like taking a nap in the afternoon to be on the safe side...

Venting Schmenting

There are days when you just have to vent your frustrations out to someone. It's especially hard when you're the kind who doesn't like confrontations and would rather let bygones be bygones but sometimes one just needs to let it all out and vent.

While venting out your frustrations is probably the only way to keep yourself sane, sometimes its who we vent out to that gets us in trouble and bites us in the arse. I especially am easily trusting of those around me to keep my venting sessions between the two people and the four walls but sometimes the people I vent out to have a tendency of carrying tales to the people I am venting about. Sometimes its just a slip of the tongue that causes a rift between people. Venting becomes misconstrued as a b****ing session and its hard to separate one from the other because both situations are similar. Of course if someone told me that a friend of mine was complaining about me, I'd be pissed but then again everyone has a right to get angry or be disappointed. After all, if you can dish it you need to learn how to take it in right?

I care deeply for the people I know, even the people I vent about. I am not perfect. I have my meltdowns, I have my own gossip sessions, I can be impossible. But of all my imperfections and iniquities, I am not an insincere person. People can clearly tell when I am uncomfortable around them or when I don't quite like them. It's hard to hide my true emotions because I am like an open book - the writings just jump off the white page. The fact that I have this immensely overwhelming conscience makes it hard to hate people. I don't hate people, I just get disappointed with them and I would like to believe that everyone shares the same sentiment.

Hate is a strong word to describe ones feeling for another. To say I hate someone would be a lie because my conscience would keep me in check. No matter how many times a person may have wronged me ("Fool me twice, shame on me; I know) I still would like to believe that there's some good in all of us which can outshine the bad in us.

This coming from a guilty conscience because God knows I have made my fair share of mistakes and I would like people to see the good in me rather than dwell on the bad. So how could I judge when I can be disappointing to others? Although that may be the case, I still can get disappointed with people especially those who keep doing the same things over and over again. It's frustrations and disappointments, not b****ing.

What I am trying to say in a nutshell is I do have venting sessions, I am not perfect, and I like to see the good in others.

Oh, and I don't hate people...just techno music. :)

Magical Musical escapade

I am so looking forward to tonight where I can sit back and be swept away by the songs and dances of BROADWAY!

One of my colleagues got his hands of some tickets so the office is taking a 'field trip' to go see the musical. I am so excited that I can't sit still anymore. Since morning I've been humming to the tunes of some of my favorite musicals!

How I miss my opera singing days.My mother says I should go back to it but my fear is that I have lost my touch to it. As much as I miss it I feel like I've missed out on the best times to develop my voice and range.

Anyway, that story is for another post. So for now, I shall be excited and wait in anticipation for the time when we leave for the musical! :)

Dazed and Disturbed

I think I loved and cared too much. Our friendship seems strained and we aren't who we once were. When did things start to change? Why the distance? You were my hope but now you seem to be a memory. It could not just be me. I am sure you notice it too but you seem comfortable with the void.

Where did we go wrong I wonder...?

A Thought IX

Folly the one who makes the heart asunder

Scrabble Queen Reigns On My Parade

This week me mum is stayin over with me because she met in an accident and the car in getting a face-lift...literally...lol...Anyways, we have been playing scrabbles for the past two days and she has been kicking my butt and am so not liking it. I need to work on my strategy and game plan because she has no mercy when it comes to scrabbles. Haha. I have two more days to redeem myself and not let her reign on my parade.Lol.

It has been fun so far and it will be two more days to go before I get back my bed... ;) Right now it's the freakishly thin mattress on the floor for me and I think I've been too pampered with the bed that I am suffering sleeping on the floor. Well, not that I've never slept on the floor before. I used to sleep on the floor in my apartment in KL but of course I had like four layers of mattresses. Hahaha...I guess that's comfortable enough that I don't mind the floor. But this one thin mattress business is no joke.

Apart from that, it's nice having long conversations with mum about random things. I guess she is the one person I can confide in and not worry about the story getting leaked. Lol..We may not always see eye to eye on some things but I believe when I listen to her views and she listens to mine we can come to an agreement. Although she is more stubborn than I am...Hahahaha! : )

Anyways, in other news, the semester will be coming to an end soon and finals will be around the corner. I just need to persevere and finish off my final project which is taking forever to clear. Am praying real hard that all goes well. Also I have a presentation tomorrow for my class so hope that goes well too.

So that's all for now. Till next time.