And the hits just keep on coming...

So, I just got a call from my "boss" saying to pass the message to all my colleagues that we have "spies" who come to each department to see if our services are good...and she doesn't want our department to get any complaints but apparently when students are at the counter we do not "layan" them well enough...She put it in a nice way but I can't tell she is getting the brunt end of it...

Well, as far as I'm concerned, the students here are spoon fed and spoilt...I am a student myself but the way these students come to the department, its as if they OWN the people who work here...At times I wish I could smack their faces...Since violence is not the answer, I've opted to S.W.A.S (sarcasm with a smile)... Lols...but only to those who ask me ridiculous questions...

Anyways, whatever it is, I'll try me best to "rush to the counter with a smile plastered on my face"... -.-

1st April

It's his birthday today and I wish I was with him...but the again, I should stop wishing for silly things...I know I should but I don't..Why?

He called yesterday and was talking to him for a while and I passed the phone to my friend and my phone died...I gotta start charging my phone...I know I should but I don't...WHY?!

I was walking home yesterday with W and she got a call from N saying that he just called her informing her that he had met in an accident...I freaked out and was on the verge of tears...In that split second it got me wishing I had charged my phone, what state he was is, whether he's ok...I was scared...then W get's a text from N saying "April Fools"...Damn. It so wasn't funny..I stormed away...I hate her for pulling that stunt...I shouldn't but I do...Why?

I went home..teared a little...was mad as hell at N...din't bother to charge my phone til later in the wee hours of the morning..turned on my phone...saw plenty missed calls from N, W and him...messages from both of em....

I woke up today...it's his birthday, and I still miss him...

Of masks and disguises

I hate not being able to hide my anger and frustrations. I hate that I am an open book. I hate no matter how much I tell myself to "snap out of it", the floodgates just open up wider and stream faster. I hate that people see right thru me in my slightest emotional state. I hate that I have to take walks to brush off the aches. I hate that big chunk of nothing creeping up my throat that makes my eyes well up.

Claudine, it's time to wear back that mask you've put away for so long. No more open books and heart on sleeves. Learn your lesson and build your broken walls.

This Easter

So, I've been blinking pissed and angry these past few days...Went for confession on Sunday and hope to God I remembered all my sins especially concerning my new found rage and contempt towards certain people. I think the priest ears were bleeding listenin to my confession. I went in with so much anger but I came out feeling a little bit at peace.

However, coming back to this "hell hole" makes it difficult to let go of all that frustrations and anger especially since I see the people who pissed me off in the first place EVERY DAY without fail. What's worse is that they pretend as if nothing is happening and that everything is fine. I would let bygones be bygones but for some reason this incident has triggered so many bad incidences from the past that it has all snowballed into one big fiasco.

I guess the best thing to do is to ignore them and move on coz harping on the same matter just makes matters worse..But, I am human...I can't help the way I feel.

On a happier note, some dude (I will not name names) who had fought with me in the past, randomly started chatting with me on Facebook and actually apologized for what he had done and for hurting my feelings. I thought that was really nice of him although it didn't really matter to me anymore. I did apologize to him as well if I had lashed out irrationally. It did make me feel like a small burden was off my shoulder and it did put things into perspective for me...People are definitely not what they seem.

So, this Easter I've decided to offer up those who I resent and leave it to God to take care of em. Hopefully I will also learn to control my anger and be less resentful to those people.

Oh, and I need to stop profaning. It's literally spilling out like water. :S

Anyways, that's all for now..

CiAO!

Holier Than Thou People

Some people think that they are the earth, sea and sky. Fuck you! We have lives to. I can’t grasp the magnitude of your stupidity and jealousy that makes you do petty things and react like a 5 year old kid throwing a tantrum.
Who the hell made you the boss of me???
I swear what goes around comes around so you better beware when I’m coming around the corner coz I’m gonna be knocking your socks off. You will never know what hit you.

All this bullshit of smiling and being nice and friendly…SCREW THAT…big time helping people and doing good for others. You stab your friends in the back and you expect others to be nice to you? I thought I was the petty one when I did not feel comfortable around you…but looks like you proved my first impression about you right. You’re a whiney, control-freak, competitive, LOUD, ass kissing jerk off!
I have a life so don’t hate me for it. I have the right to complain about my life as much as I want to. I have responsibilities you cannot even begin to comprehend! I stay close to my friends and yes I do procrastinate…but I bloody get my job done at the end of the day. If your brain is too retarded to handle the pressure at the last minute, then don’t hate me coz you ain’t me. Don’t even BE in the line you are in right now if you donno how to handle pressure and don’t hate others who are able to produce good work even at the last possible minute. I enjoy the fact that my life is busy and I love the thrill of getting things done at the final hour although at times I do wish I would do it earlier. That doesn’t give you the right to do what you did.

I am a child of God, a daughter, a sister, a student, “an admin assistant”, an officer to 5 – 10 clubs, a club chairperson myself, a member of two other clubs, part of the choir in IMPAC, I handle the choir at my church, and I’m a friend to those I love.

So if you want to live my life, you just try it for one day and see if you survive.
Don’t think you’re the only one who has so much things revolving around you and don’t attempt to be concerned for others when you intend on stabbing them in the back. If you happen to read this and you know who you are, I hope you come to your bloody senses.

I may be all smiles when I see you but remember I have a temper like no other and once I unleash my wrath you better run.

Fighting Reality

Come menace of the night

Take me back to irrevocable solace

Lend me your dagger

And be swift my hands,

To pry the agony from this living corpse

No more! I say, No More!

I refuse to succumb to this misery and grief.

I am but a lost soul

I am but a fragile being

I am but who I am

Yet in the abyss of distant memories

I ponder my very existence

Were I created for earthly torment,

I would gladly surrender myself to the hands of Hades

Deprive me not of my yearning for bliss

Leave me be!

Leave me be!

Spare me this life I did not choose

My being can endure no more tragedy

Leave me to rest in eternal peace

Have these eyes not shed enough tears?

Has this heart not received enough blows?

Have these hands not clasped enough in pleading?

Release me from these bonds of brokenness

Let me live the remaining days of my life
Let me be contented