Should Have, Could Have, Would Have - The Over-Thinker in All Her Glory.

Yesterday was an emotionally packed day. It started off on the right track although pretty much the entire morning and afternoon I was listening to sappy love songs to layan my jiwangness. Evening came and I think I dropped the mother of all emotional outbursts to one particular person. (There's no need for names).

I have no idea what came over me to blurt out all I did in that short span of time. We started off with a good conversation but I felt my emotions take over after a while. It’s like I released a whole tsunami of truth on this innocent person and although the guilt is eating me up alive at this point, there was a sense of relief at that point of ‘venting’ to finally be open about it.

I guess I should have seen this coming. Deep down I think I already knew the day would come when I finally told the person the truth. In all that emotional rage, I forget that this person has feelings too and would have had even deeper rooted feelings but I just kept on going telling this person how I felt. I am glad I stopped when I did but the aftermath of the conversation was too much that all that ran in my head was “Dear God, What have I done.”

The conversation definitely took the person by surprise and I feel like I have made things rather awkward between us now. I could have said the things I said in a better way but in that moment I was all about saying it straight rather than masking it around nice words.

Needless to say, I tossed and turned the night away feeling guilty as can be wondering if the person’s perception of me has changed because of what I said. Today morning, I hoped I would feel better but I guess I ruined my own day by remembering the night.

I should shoot myself for layaning my jiwangness and then having a conversation with someone. I just hope this day gets better and that the person will be able to accept my apology for what I have said.

Words really can cut like a knife and I just want you to know that what was said was the truth but I guess sometimes the truth shouldn’t have to be so blunt. I hope things aren’t awkward between us.